I Really Didn't Want To Know That

Several times a day I start to ask my children a question that I probably don't want to know the answer to. 
I usually stop myself because the conversation usually goes something like this:

Me: Why is the dog wet? Did someone pour water on the dog?


Timothy: Um, I just peed on the dog. While I was outside. 


Me: .... wha??


Timothy: It was a bad choice mama.


Me: uh....

OR:

What is in this cup? Is this paint water? why is there paint water in your bedroom??

*pours out water, Bryon's poop falls out*

My Favorite is:

Why is there mud all over that bathroom? Why didn't you use the hose outside before you came inside??

Not mud. It's NOT mud.