Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Never Ending...

I came to a sudden and sad realization last night as I scrubbed my almost 8 year old's poop off every surface of a room for the second time that day.

This is it. This is my life. This is how it will always be. Now, before you tell me that's not true, I will remind you that there are autistic children all over that are still in diapers at age 15+. How do I know mine isn't one of them?

After I finished scrubbing his room and his sister's room, I found him emptying a bean bag chair. Upon cleaning that up, I discovered that I had not in fact found all the poop in his room.

Big picture problem here is the fact that he gets Miralax everyday and his extra squishy poop comes more often. And, apparently, he has taken a recent interest in smearing it all over the place.

Lucky me.

I also came to the realization that there are no antidepressant medications strong enough to deal with this. Maybe I am actually fine, but my life is just really that crappy. Pun intended.

It just seems that there will never be a day that I don't have to rewash a load of laundry because I find his poop in the batch AFTER it has come out of the dryer.

I will probably never go a week without having to throw away 3 or more pairs of underwear. (I should have bought stock in Hanes.)

I will never not need to buy baby wipes.

I will spare you the details of all the other issues in my life. I don't wanna drag you down too far.

I'm just sad that this is it for me. And I'm really sad because I feel like if I had known that this is what my life was going to be like, I probably would have waited to have children and spent some more time with my husband. Because, let's face it, I'm never going to be alone with him again. We will never be empty nesters.

And I feel like that makes me a bad mom. Or at least less of a mom than I should be.

**Warning** My comments are screened by a 3rd party who loves me, so if you get all mushy and say something I don't want to hear, your comment will probably not be posted.


alisha said...

children are our nemesis, they fully intend to follow us around undoing everything we do for them- no matter if they are "normal", autistic, adhd, or potential sociopaths. good news is, when your old and incontinent yourself, maybe a little karma wroth come your way, and you can do some finger painting your self.....just saying

Caroline said...

Which is why you get to have a girls only weekend at least once a year. ;)

Maxine Conrad said...

I sincerely mean this : "You are one of the greatest women I have ever met" I admire you immensely. I hope that is not too mushy - just the truth xx