Thursday, May 19, 2011

The Real Problem With Depression... According To Tenille

I'm not a doctor and I don't even play one on TV.

However, as a long term user of anti depressants and anti anxiety medications, let me just say this...

I thought I was supposed to feel better.

I feel "different" but I am waiting for the day that I feel like me again.

I want to go back to doing the things I like to do. Not sitting around feeling like doing nothing because I don't care.

And seriously, I don't care. I used to go to the gym every day. I used to read 2 or 3 books a week.

Now, I do nothing. Because I just don't care.

I want to sleep my life away and hope that everything will be better when I wake up.

So, I ask you, what is the point of taking medications that make me sick, unable to drive, and give me the craziest dreams ever. And that is saying something because I have some seriously crazy dreams when I'm not medicated.

I just want to care again. I want to be me.

Is that so much to ask?


The Merrills said...


Curtis Merrill

Kristal said...

Depression is a hard beast to fight. People don't seem to understand why you can't just snap out of it and do something. My battle seemed a never ending, guilt infested, no hope to be had, soul crushing fight. It is something I wouldn't wish on anybody. I am taking zoloft, and had lamictal and cymbalta added last year. The last two have helped a ton. I hope you are able to find something that can give you relief. I'll be praying for you. And you are not a bad mom. That is the guilt in depression talking. You are amazing with how much you deal with.

Judi said...

I so understand Tenille. It has been a battle for me since probably high school, but I wasn't diagnosed and helped until I was 26.
I have been one numerous types of meds too and it is so hard to find the right combo. But like Kristal, my Dr. added Lamictal last year and I am my old self. If you haven't had your thyroid checked, that is a major contributor to depression too. As is anything hormonal.
Don't give up on yourself, there is the right stuff for you, and you are SO not only in this battle.
You are an amazing person and I am happy to know you!

Sassy Sites! said...

I LOVE you Tenille!!