Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Just When I Thought I Was Doing a Little Better

I've read 3 books this week. I am back to reading a book in a day. This is a pretty big deal for me because I haven't done it in a while. Like, a really long while. And I used to do it all the time.

So, here I am telling twitter all about how I think I must be doing better anf how this is a really good sign.

And then a few minor things happened that completely ruined my day when they shouldn't have. And now I feel like crap. Because I have let these few minor things ruin what I thought was going to be a pretty good day.

I just want my life back. I don't want to become crazy and uber depressed over the little stuff.

Except, it's not really little stuff. I mean, it is, but I manage to turn it into something bigger.

Here's the deal.

Scott and I were chatting on this unusually quiet morning. (Aly is not home and so WW 3 is on hold for a bit) Things are looking up for us. Potentially. Yay. I was going to go out with my friend/cousin tonight for her birthday.

I had intended to be ready to go with the kids as soon as my respite worker got here so we could run some necessary errands.

Cousin can't go tonight because her dad and step mom are taking her out for her birthday. That's a good thing, but I'm kinda bummed we won't be going out. We will make plans for another day that she is in town.

Even though that made a few of the errands a little less important, I still had things to do.

Except then the respite worker texted to say she would be an hour late. Can't really blame her, her boyfriend was in the hospital all night.

20 Minutes before she was supposed to be here, she texted again saying she couldn't come today as they still had not been discharged from the hospital. Again, not her fault.

Ok. So. Nothing terribly major, right? You would think.

However, this is how my sick, twisted little mind works...

I hate that I have to depend on other people to help me take care of my children. I wish I was able to do it myself. Unfortunately, past trips have proved to me that I am not able to do this alone.

Which makes me feel like a completely incompetent mother.

*I really wish I could find the referral to my counselor. I can't start therapy until I find it or get a new one. I think it is in my kitchen somewhere. Which makes me feel like a terrible housekeeper.

**I loaned a library book to the respite worker that is out of town this summer. It is due tomorrow, I can't renew it, and I am at the mercy of her idiot pothead brother to be home so I can retrieve it. I feel stupid and really want to break something. Possibly her neck for not getting it back to me before she went out of town. Mostly I feel stupid for loaning it to her in the first place.