Monday, June 6, 2011

Things I May Have Said This Week

These are much more fun when posted out of context.

Don't let the dog eat your poop!

Where are your pants?

Yes, Bryon, you make a very pretty Ariel.

I don't care when flag day is!

Not now, sweetie. mommy's playing with it.

Why is there a screw in my garbage disposal? Where's the screw gun?

That is NOT a toy!

Aly, we can share our princess clothes with our brothers.

We do not put marshmallows in our noses.

Why is my daughter dressed like a whore?

No, you cannot share a bath with your brother.

Air compressors are not for little people.

How on earth do you flood both bathrooms at the same time??

That's what happens when you play with the air compressor.

Why are you showering in your swim suit??

What on earth did you eat? That's unnatural. Maybe you should start pooping in the potty.

Still not a toy kid.

Your son has a definite future in exotic dancing. Yes, I know he is one. Trust me.

Where did you get that marker?

Why did you draw a shovel on your tummy?

Just because mommy has tattoos, doesn't mean you can have them. (I may have screwed myself here)

Don't poop in the tub!

Your kid is passed out like a drunk monkey. (okay, it's my kid, too. and I don't actually know what a drunk monkey looks like.)

You are NOT and elephant and that it NOT your trunk. No more Wordworld for you, kid.

Who invented summer vacation? They have a date with my shotgun.

Yip, yip, yip, yip, dancing the worman polka...

Well, if he's going to draw on my floor, at least he is a good artist.

I'm going to the store. For magic erasers. Yes, I know I just bought them. Trust me, we need more. You don't really want to know. Don't go in the boys room while I'm gone. Actually, maybe YOU should go to the store.

This is NOT a nudist colony. If you are always naked, how come I do so much laundry?


Jill said...

I really like that last one. It is a VERY good question.

Jill said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
alisha said...

love LOVE it....
yesterday, in my nicest, sweetest voice, I told my eighteen month old niece (who had been screaming for fortyfive minutes) "you are the reason less stable people shake babies"
my fiance stood there open mouthed for thirty seconds....then walked out of the room.